Dear Diane
by marysunshine81
Summary: A message from beyond the grave (tag to episode 6x2)


_**A/N: I need to warn you in advance that this isn't a happy piece, so tissues are recommended. When Ally brought up this idea yesterday and begged me to write it, I didn't hesitate long. And the result somehow frightened me, you'll probably understand why. You might not agree with the assumption the fic is based on, but it hopefully won't stop you from enjoying it. **_

**_I wanted to show that Will is still missed and just because the writers seem to have moved on, I can't and I won't._ **

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><p><strong>Dear Diane<strong>

Diane's gaze fell upon her picture with Hillary Clinton. The only object she'd bothered to take when she walked out of her old office. She used to call it home; but it hadn't felt like that in a very long time. Not since _he _had died and even before that tragic day. It hadn't been the same ever since she was seduced by a challenging, exciting new opportunity and made the choice to follow her dream. A dream so honorable that it would have been worth leaving the place that had been her home for so many years. Or so she'd thought.

Now all she had with was a picture; the sole memento of the place she'd devoted her life to for so many years. It symbolized so much more than her values; it was a reminder to never give up. And here she was, ending one chapter and starting a new one tomorrow

As she took a closer look at the old picture, she noticed how the face that stared back at her in the mirror every day was so different. Time had been generous with her, but it wasn't invisible. The frame also seemed slightly worn, so she decided it was time to give her favorite photo a new one.

Turning it to its back she noticed something unusual, there was a small envelope hiding there, which she eyed suspiciously. She had no idea what the envelope was doing there and how long it had been attached to the frame. And most importantly she had no idea who could have done it.

She reached for the white paper with trembling hands. She couldn't explain why, but she was suddenly shivering. And when she saw the front of the envelope, with her name written in the middle, tears started forming in her eyes.

It was _his_ handwriting, she had no doubt. A million other questions began to run through her mind at the same time and her hands were still shaking. She had to stop the tears, she had to see what was inside. It was a message from beyond the grave that opened up the wounds that had already started to heal.

It was a letter, a page full of lines written by the same hand, _his_ hand, Will Gardner's hand. She couldn't believe her eyes. Tears were flooding now, blurring her vision. She had to take a moment to let out the pain, to dry her eyes a little so that she was able to comprehend the meaning of his words. Only then did she reach for her glasses and began to read his letter.

_Dear Diane, _

_I have no idea when or if you'll ever find this letter, but it seems to be the only way I can communicate with you right now. I can't talk to you, I can barely look at you, because I'm so disappointed and it won't go away. _

The inevitable round of tears made her stop. She even considered not reading it any further. If Will had written this when he'd been angry with her, she shouldn't be torturing herself with it. She couldn't possibly feel more guilt for what she'd done to him.

But her curiosity got the better of her and after she calmed down a little, she continued.

_I wish forgiving you was easier, because I don't want to be angry with you. Sometimes I think it's because you're leaving and not because of what you did. Which is stupid, because I've always wanted you to achieve your dream. I was happy for you and no matter how disappointed I am, I still wish you the best of luck for your future. _

She found herself smiling, just a little, and it was good for her soul. He hadn't written this letter to tell her how much he hated her. That would have been pointless anyway.

_I just felt like you should know something and I wasn't sure how else to tell you. So I decided to leave it up to fate. If and when you find this letter, you'll know the truth. _

_I never told you what I did, I never told anyone what I did. I covered up Peter Florrick's election fraud. Kalinda found a video that proved it and I chose to bury it. (Maybe that makes me a scoundrel after all). But I did it for you, Diane._

Diane was gasping for air. She couldn't believe her eyes. Except it was written there in black and white, with Will's own handwriting. A confession to a federal crime. A crime he committed for her.

_I buried it to save your dream, because you wanted it so badly. I saw how worried you were that day. Your dream would have gone down with Peter and I couldn't let it happen. So I did what I thought was right and I have no regrets. __Not even now, after what you did. I'm sure you are a wonderful Supreme Court Justice. Peter Florrick might be corrupt, but you Diane, you deserve to be where you are. After all, I just want you to be happy and successful. _

_Maybe I'm not that angry anymore. Maybe someday, I can say it with a clear conscience that I have forgiven you. That day hasn't come yet, but writing this letter helped me face this inner battle. Because I don't want to be angry with you. I don't want to think you were undeserving of what I did for you._

_You have stood by me for so long, for better or worse. I have always felt that you care for me, that you are my friend. But friends don't stab each other in the back, friends do what I did for you. I'm not asking for a 'thank you', I'm not asking for anything, except that you live your dream. And hope that maybe, someday, I get to live mine._

_Will_

The tears were allowed to come out unstoppably now that she finished reading his words. Words that hurt, but also put certain things in a new light. So much had happened since he'd written this letter. She had lost her dream and she and Will had teamed up again. It hadn't been the same as before, but they had been making some progress with time, until death interfered and he'd lost his dream, forever.

She wanted to believe that he hadn't died hating her for what she'd done, that he hadn't been angry anymore, that he had been close to forgiving her. She would never know for sure. But there was one thing she claimed to know, and this letter confirmed it. That Will had loved her in his own way. He'd done the ultimate sacrifice for her.

She regretted what she had said in that interview. She had regretted it from the moment Mandy had walked out her door. But there had been no way to undo it anymore. She had taken responsibility instead and she had hoped that someday he would be able to forgive her.

It pained her even more now that he'd been so hurt and disappointed, but she completely understood. And she would never forget how much he'd risked for her. She wondered if anyone would love her that way ever again. If anyone would do something like that for her ever again.

There had only been one Will Gardner and she had been lucky enough to call him her friend. She had never had the chance to tell him how much she loved him. She'd just assumed that he'd known, even if she hadn't been the best in proving it all the time.

But this letter, that he'd hidden in the one place where only she could find it, proved that Will hadn't forgotten the past, all the times she'd stood by him. She wanted to believe that if he had still lived they would have been friends again by now. She would have earned his forgiveness somehow, because it had been what she wanted the most.

Because love makes it possible to forgive.


End file.
